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Maybe it’s something your partner did over dinner that really got you going. When you’re really in the zone, the words will flow from you. Say the first thing that comes to mind, whenever you’re ready to say it. There are plenty of ways to spice things up in your long-term relationship when things are feeling a bit stale. If your sex life has become the stuff of missionary right before bed, then talking dirty to your partner is an easy way to switch things up a bit. While there are plenty of great articles out there about how to talk dirty to your partner, there aren’t enough out there about why you should do it.

Don’t take things personally

This linguistic exchange can reveal the darker fantasies of the mind and be played out in the privacy of the bedroom. It lowers inhibitions and reveals bedroom personalities by allowing partners to go a layer deeper within our everyday selves. “Practice expressing your needs and wants and encourage your partner to do the same and be ready to deliver the goods.”

In the heat of the moment, try these mood-enhancers…

And stay true to yourself so that your words come from an authentic and heartful place. Without hurting anyone, instead making your significant other hot and excited. Again, all this has to be comfortable for both of you. Then, you gently and slowly add the more naughty words and phrases here and there during sex.

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Moreover, the act of sex can make us less self-conscious—so folks tend to find that they’re more capable of speaking freely about fantasies, potent desires, or kinks when they’re already mid-intercourse. Which is to say, if you’re feeling inclined to lean into BDSM, role play, or some other, the more personal field of kink, dirty talk might be a great way to explore before you attempt the more physical stuff. The brain sets off an individual’s sex drive and is considered a more powerful sexual organ than the male and female genital composition.

Remember, these are just guidelines to tailor to your and your partner’s likes, kinks, and fetishes. Learning how to talk dirty to a woman or someone with a vagina is no different than learning how to talk dirty to a man or someone with a penis, so see what feels most natural and exciting and go from there. In Chapter 2, we discussed how it’s NOT the actual dirty talking phrases you use that are most important, but HOW YOU SAY THEM. Once you master the proper voice tone, inflections and body language, you will feel like you are a superhero with the ability to turn your man on and make him act like a horny teenager without much effort at all. If that’s the case, he suggests, you could “bring up dirty talk before or after a sexual encounter, so that a sense of arousal is still felt” by your partner.

Remember last night when we [insert sexual activity]? It turns out that there is a simple solution for women who struggle to orgasm, whether you are having sex or masturbating. Talking dirty is not all about saying filthy sexy things to your man. In fact, it’s the perfect way to spice things up during sex if you have usually been very filthy and intense.

So if the thought of it makes you cringe but you’d still like to give it a try, we’ve got you—here’s a beginner’s guide to dirty talk. Talking dirty is a thrilling way to enhance your sexual connection with your partner. But if you’re fumbling up your tongue tango, it can quickly deflate the mood (not to mention other things). We also use different external services like Google Webfonts, Google Maps and external Video providers. Since these providers may collect personal data like your IP address we allow you to block them here.